McAdoo, William G.
   
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
   
MacArthur, General Douglas
   
  In war there is no substitute for victory.
   
  There is no security on this earth. Only opportunity.
   
  Wars are caused by undefended wealth.
   
  Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.
   
Machiavelli, Niccolo
   
  I desire to go to hell and not to heaven. In the former place I shall enjoy the company of popes, kings and princes, while in the latter are only beggars, monks and apostles.
   
McLaughlin, Mignon
   
  No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try if for a while you'll see why.
   
MacLeod, Doug
   
I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence.
 
Madonna
   
  Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.
   
Maeterlinck, Maurice
   
  All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   
Maher, Bill
   
  A recent government study reported that 8 percent of full-time employees are on drugs at work. I think this study is flawed. The figure is too low. Because that 8 percent are only the people who are so stoned they answered yes to the question.
   
Mankiewicz, Joseph
   
  The worst mistake we make is teaching children that money isn't everything.
   
Mann, Thomas
   
  War is only a cowardly escape from the problems of peace.
 
Manson, Charles
   
I was crazy back when being crazy really meant something.
   
Marder, Barry
   
  I went on a diet. Had to go on two diets at the same time because one diet wasn't giving me enough food.
   
Marquis, Donald R. Perry
   
  An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
   
  Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week of two he will feel as good as ever.
   
  Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.
   
Martin, Dean
   
  If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
   
Marvez, Monique
   
  Men, I'm telling you. If you have a woman and she has a best friend, they have drawn your penis on a napkin at Denny's.
   
Marx, Karl
   
  Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.
   
  Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough. (Last Words)
   
Mason, Jackie
   
  I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
   
  It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
   
Masson, Tom
   
  "Be yourself" is about the worst advise you can give to people.
   
Mattingly, Don
   
  His reputation preceded him before he got here.
   
Mayberry, Jack
   
  The stealth bomber replaced the B-1 bomber, which was supposed to avoid enemy radar by flying at treetop level. Unfortunately trees are at treetop level.
 
Meir, Golda
   
  Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart, don't know how to laugh either.
   
Mencken, H. L.
   
  Conscience: The inner voice that warns us that someone may be looking.
   
  A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
   
  A gentleman is one who never strikes a woman without provocation.
   
Michelangelo
   
  If people knew how hard I worked to achieve my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful after all.
   
  Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish.
   
Miller, Dennis
   
  How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?
   
  What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
   
  Guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
   
Miller, Henry
   
  In expanding the field of knowledge we but increase the horizon of ignorance.
   
Miller, Larry
   
  I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?"
   
  A friend of mine runs marathons. He always talks about this "runner's high," but he has to go twenty-six miles for it. That's why I smoke and drink. I get the same feeling from a flight of stairs.
 
Mizner, Wilson
   
Gambling is a sure way of getting nothing for something.
   
  Some of the greatest love affairs I've known involved one actor unassisted.
   
  The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
   
Mohammad
   
  Guilt is anything you did and fear others to know about.
   
Mohr, Jay
   
  They have luggage stores in airports. Who forgets their suitcase? Have you ever seen a guy with an armload of shirts going, "Hurrah, a suitcase!"
   
Monroe, Marilyn
   
  Ever notice that "what the hell" is always the right decision?
   
Moore, Dudley
   
  The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.
   
Moore, George
   
  Everybody sets out to do something, and everybody does something, but no one does what he sets out to do.
   
  A man travels the world over to search for what he needs and returns home to find it.
   
  The wrong way always seems the most reasonable.
   
Morgan, J.P.
   
A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.
   
Morley, Christopher
   
  Few girls are as well shaped as a good horse.
   
  Lots of times you have to pretend to join a parade in which you are really not interested in order to get where you're going.
   
  No man is lonely while eating spaghetti, it requires so much attention.
 
Morrow, Dwight
   
  Any party which takes credit for the rain must not be surprised if its opponents blame it for the drought.
   
  The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.
   
Muncaster, George
   
If the minimum wasn't acceptable, it wouldn't be called the minimum.
   
Munro, H.H.
   
  The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened.
   
Murphy, Sue
   
  There's nothing more pathetic on earth than a garage sale. You sit in your driveway with all your crap, and it's not even your good crap.
   
  Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
 
Murrow, Edward R.
   
  Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.
   
Namath, Joe
   
  When you win, nothing hurts.
   
Nathan, George Jean
   
  An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.
   
  No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
   
Nelson, Byron
   
  The only shots you can be dead sure of are those you've had already.
   
Nesen, Ron
   
  Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
   
Newman, Alfred E.
   
  The trouble with doing nothing is you can't quit and rest.
   
  We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
   
Neitzsche, Friedrich
   
 

It is not lack of love but lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
   
  One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.
   
  Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?
   
Nobel, Alfred
   
  If I have a thousand ideas and only one turns out to be good, I am satisfied.
   
Nunn, Gregory
   
  A conservative is a man who wants the rules changed so no one can make a pile the way he did.
   
  Everything worth having is either owned by bastards or the descendents of bastards.
   
  Expert: Someone who brings confusion to simplicity.
   
  It's harder for a poor man to be successful than it is for a rich man.
   
  United Nations: Where America feeds the hands that bite it.
   
Nutley, Buzz
   
  Where there's a will, there's a family fighting over it.
   
  This one job said they wanted a college degree or equivalent. I said, "Perfect, I have eight years of high school."
   
O'Casey, Sean
   
  All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
   
Oppenheimer, J. Robert
   
  The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.
   
Orben, Robert
   
  Never raise your hand to your children, it leaves your mid-section unprotected.
   
O'Rourke, P.J.
   
  Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people you have them.
   
  Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Dogs are interested in fleas.
   
 

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.
   
Ovid
   
  The traveler with empty pockets pursues his journey in perfect safety.
   
Owen, Guy
   
  Do you know what you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an atheist? Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
   
Parker, Dorothy
   
  Scratch a lover and find a foe.
   
Parton, Dolly
   
  The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with a little rain.
   
Pascal, Blaise
   
  If all persons knew what they said of each other there would not be four friends in the world.
   
Paterson, Samuel
   
  Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen.
   
Peale, Dr. Norman Vincent
   
  Believe you can, and you can!
   
  There is nothing in life so difficult that it cannot be overcome. This faith can move mountains. It can change people. It can change the world. You can survive all the great storms in your life.
   
Peers, John
   
  Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.
   
Perot, H. Ross
   
  Eagles don't flock - you have to find them one at a time.
   
  If you see a snake, just kill it. Don't appoint a committee on snakes.
   
  Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game one from a winning touchdown.
   
Peter, Laurence J.
   
  An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
   
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
   
Phaedrus
   
  No one returns with good will to the place that has done him a mischief.
   
Phelps, William Lyon
   
  This is the final test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible service to him.
   
  Nature makes boys and girls lovely to look upon so they can be tolerated until they acquire some sense.
   
Philips, Emo
   
  I lot of stuff in school you don't appreciate 'til you get to be older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you'd pay good money for later in life.
   
  You have to wait ten days to buy a gun in L.A., I can't stay mad that long.
   
Picasso, Pablo
   
  Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
   
Pickford, Mary
   
  This thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.
   
Piper, Monica
   
  A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman knows.
   
Plato
   
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   
  Never discourage anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.
   
  Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
   
  The beginning is the most important part of the work.
   
Player, Gary
   
  The harder you work, the luckier you get.
   
Pollack, Channing
   
  No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut.
   
Pollard, John G.
   
Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you.
 
Poole, Mike
   
  Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to Art.
   
  If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, Why practice?
   
Poundstone, Paula
   
  My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim!"
   
Powell, General Colin L.
   
  Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position fails, your ego goes with it.
   
  There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.
   
Petersen, Bill
   
  Three things are bad for you. I can't remember the first two, but doughnuts are the third.
   
Prentice, George D.
   
  A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't.
   
Pryor, Richard
   
  Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.
   
  When women get their heart broke, they cry. Men don't do that. Men hold it in like it don't hurt. They walk around and get hit by trucks. "Didn't he see that truck?" "Man, he wouldn't have seen a 747. His heart was broke."
 
Pugh, Emerson
   
If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.
   
Pythagoras
   
  Anger begins with folly, and ends with repentance.
   
Q, Jaja
   
Life is like a baseball game. When you think a fastball is coming, you gotta be ready to hit a curve.
 
Quisenberry, Dan
   
  The future is much like the present, only longer.