Wadsworth, Charles
   
  By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
   
Walcott, Derek
   
The purpose of modern highways is to get you from point A to B quickly enough to give you time at the other end to wonder why you went so fast.
   
Wallace, George
   
  There's nothing wrong with this country that we couldn't cure by turning it over the the police for a couple of weeks.
 
Wallach, Eli
   
Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you've got a pretty neck.
 
Walsh, Joe
   
  I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
   
Walters, Barbara
   
  If it's a woman, it's caustic; if it's a man, it's authorative.
   
Warren, Justice Earl
   
 

The sports page records people's accomplishments; The front page nothing but their failures.
   
Washington, George
   
  Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant to slow grow, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.
   
  Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.
   
  There is nothing so likely to produce peace as to be well prepared to meet the enemy.
   
Watson, Tom
   
  A lot of guys who have never choked have never been in the position to do so.
   
Wayans, Damon
   
  My friend Larry's in jail now. He got twenty-five years for something he didn't do. He didn't run fast enough.
 
Weber, Jenny
   
If a man is talking in the forest, and there is no woman there to here him, is he still wrong?
   
Webster, Daniel
   
  The past, at least, is secure.
   
  There is always room at the top.
   
Wein, Len
   
  A true friend is someone who is there for you when they would rather be someplace else.
   
Weinberg, Darrin
   
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
   
Weiss, Peter
   
  The ten best years of a woman's life are between the ages of twenty-nine and thirty.
 
Welch, Jack
   
  Change before you have to.
 
Welles, Orson
   
In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!
   
Whitehorn, Katherine
   
Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.
   
Whitman, Walt
   
  The future is no more uncertain than the present.
   
Wilder, Billy
   
  France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper.
   
Williams, Hank
   
  You've got to have smelt a lot of mule manure before you can sing like a hillbilly.
   
Williams, Robin
   
  Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
   
  God gave us a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.
   
Reality: What a concept!
   
Wilson, Woodrow
   
  I have always been among those who believed that the greatest freedom of speech was the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing to do is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking.
   
  If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
   
  The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.
   
Winchell, Walter
   
  A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
   
Wing, John
   
  We were skeptical Catholics. We believed Jesus walked on water. We just figured it was probably winter.
   
Wooden, John
   
  Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
   
  It is amazing how much can be accomplished if no one cares who gets the credit.
   
  It is what you learn after you know it all that counts.
   
  You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.
 
Woodman, Cousin
   
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from poor judgment.
   
Wright, Frank Lloyd
   
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
 
Wright, Steven
   
  Curiosity killed the cat. But for a while, I was a suspect.
   
Everywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.
   
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
   
  I filled out an application that said, "In case of emergency notify ....." I wrote "Doctor." What's my mother going to do?
   
  In Vegas I got into an argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
   
 

When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.
   
  You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
   
Yeats, William Butler
   
  The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
   
Youngman, Henny
   
  In High School football the coach kept me on the bench all year. In the last game of the season the crowd was yelling: "We want Youngman! We want Youngman!" The coach said: "Youngman, go see what they want."
   
Yutang, Lin
   
  When small men begin to cast shadows, it means the sun is about to set.
   
Zangwill, Israel
   
  A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to understand his cleverness and just stupid enough to admire it.
 
Zappa, Frank
   
  You can't be a Real Country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.